Winter Break: The Lessons

To all who is reading this,

As of today, my month long Winter vacation is finally over. I return to SUNY Brockport tomorrow once again as a Social Studies major/Women's Studies minor. I had a long rest and now I'm over it. So tomorrow, I'll be running to the bus stop to get this semester over with.

I make it seem like Winter was so damn boring that I was ready to pull what little hair I have out (and I don't have very much to begin with). But I can only stay up till four in the morning watching movies and anime for so long before I start to look for a blunt object to beat my brains out with. Maybe that's my life purpose--abusing myself with blunt objects. But that's neither here nor there.

My off time was not in vein, however. I learned some things about myself within the time allotted and I'm actually surprised that it took a month of quiet time to realize that I have weird thoughts, idiosyncrasies and friends who love slumber parties. For instance, I don't mind staying in my apartment for days on end and finding mindless ways to entertain myself, such as (but not limited to) playing YoVille on Facebook and debating with silly people on the Nerdfighter website. And when I do see the light of day, it's because I want to go to the library to check out documentary DVDs about Typhoid Mary and dysfunctional Amish kids.

Don't get me wrong. I hung out with people. And, on a few occasions, I would be invited to spend the night at a friend's apartment just for the hell of it. I haven't done anything like that in years because I've always been freaked out by such activities. But at the same time, I was a nervous, insecure teenage girl so I was freaked out by just about everything. But this time, I was able to go a friend's house, watch hours of "Dexter" and put green mud on my face to clean my pores. In other words, it was the girliest, funnest time I ever had. And there were nights similar to that one, but only with different friends. And I didn't realize that I had so many friends nice and cool enough to want to hear me snore.

But then there were periods during my Winter break that either changed me or made me think "What the fuck? Come Again?" For instance, a former friend of mine decided to text me one morning about fighting his attraction for me--which knocked me out of my sleepiness and made me say out loud "What the f--what?!?" because he's married. On the flipside, I realized this Winter that I clung onto people way too tightly and that, no matter what I do or say, they are going to go whether I'm ready or not. So, instead of thinking that the person--or people--left because of me, I'm starting to learn that they have to live and move on. And so do I. I don't like these changes, but they are going to happen. I might as well accept it.

I write all this to say that this Winter break that will go down in my life's history. This Winter, I went to an epic New Year's Eve party featuring a dancing drunken wizard and "Yo Mama" jokes. I met new friends who are basically Gaylicious and awesome. I became a fan of Netflix and animecrazy.net and I enjoy being a nocturnal creature. I also learned that it's ok to say no to sex--especially if the asshole's married to an unsuspecting wife living in New York City. I learned that I love hiding in my own space and that I'm set in ways that need to be uprooted. But most of all, I learned--am learning--that there are certain people who are not meant to be in my life for long periods of time and if I'm working extremely hard to keep a person, chances are my way isn't working.

All in all, this was a life-changing Winter vacation.

And that's enough from the Unknown Planet